5. Church—Perhaps you could sneak in a few of his tracks at a secular wedding ceremony or something…but for the most part, Kerboo’s super steamy lover’s music is probably better left out of God’s pews. I mean, I’m not exactly sure what happens when a bunch of devoutly religious people simultaneously “get in the mood,” but suffice to say, I don’t really want to find out. Not sexy!
4. Around Platonic Friends—OK, this is kind of a no-brainer, for those of us who actually have them. In case this isn’t you, Kerboo’s grown and sexy music is intended to set a mood for lovers. If you’re not trying to set a mood, it would behoove you to play something else as you will only be sending mixed signals to the mixed-up individual who is futilely trying to woo you. “Gosh, maybe he is interested after all. We’ve been listening to Kerboo for hours…”
3. During a Break-up—To piggy back off number 4, playing Kerboo during a break-up is the ultimate mark of mixed-messaging. You are likely to confuse or even anger a soon to be ex by playing such beautiful music whilst giving them their walking papers. They may be expecting you to make it official while you’re just trying to make it officially over. Turn off the radio and play it when they leave…but if they’re within earshot, please for the love of God, make sure it’s not “South Side Flair!”
2. Office Parties—You don’t love your coworkers, you likely don’t even like them. So, you don’t want to listen to such potent love music around them. I mean, some tracks are cool for a midday playlist. However, on Friday at your local watering hole, that little cutie who has been giving you the eye may just decide the time is now and make his or her move if certain tracks are playing. You of course will also be powerless to this audio love potion…which could ultimately leave one of you on maternity leave nine months later. Please consider your futures!
1. “Gangsta” Parties—Look, gangsters don’t like love, and they’re not about to start today. Sure, most have a softer side that the rest of the world may never get to see, but that is the point…we’re not supposed to see their softer sides. Don’t go bursting into house parties trying to rep with #KlubKerboo merch. We do not yet have a deployable militia, and will not at all be held accountable for any subsequently arising issues.
Overall, there is honestly never a bad time to listen to Kerboo. On the other hand, it is not always the best time to recruit those around you into #KlubKerboo. Trust me, there will be plenty of time for that…