Note: Had a little bit of an audio problem, but cleaned up as much audio as possible.
Don’t mess with Susy. Susy Soravia is a 4th degree Black Belt who also carried the Olympic Torch for the 2012 London Summer Olympics through her village in Wales. Her background includes English, Turkish, and Italian heritage. Although she has been deaf from birth; interestingly, she does not know sign language but instead lip reads very well. Susy is a statistician and trainer for the local police force. In addition, she recently opened Kickstart Inclusion Karate, Wales, where she encourages all her students to “Go for it!”
Definitely, being an introverted and highly analytical human has its advantages. On the one hand, we’re often thought to be neurotic over-thinkers who create problems when there are none. On the other hand, we’re often the only ones who can foresee the possibility of situations that seem perfectly fine in the present, going drastically downhill in the future. Namely, relationships.
…And then what??
Yeah, it’s all fun and games until “Prince Charming” cheats on you, or you find out that your little “Cinderella” was only seeking that happily ever after cash. Now what?! If you’re like most people, you ignore the negative aspects of your mate until you are forced to confront them. Thus, eventually leaving you with the rude awakening that your dream guy/gal was anything but.
You’ve likely seen them…or maybe you’ve even been there yourself; a couple seems all but perfect, then they break up and all of a sudden one or both of them is out for blood. They are cutting up clothing, bashing cars and reputations…seems counterintuitive for two people who supposedly love each other, no?
How Did We Get Here?
Well, this is a loaded question…there are a number of ways in which someone could go from a great relationship to a terrible breakup, but the bottom line is that you don’t know your ex-partner as well as you thought you did…
As aforementioned, people often ignore these negative traits for the sake of holding together their relationship. For example, if you go on a date with someone and they’re ridiculously rude to the wait staff, for no apparent reason…this is likely someone who has some character issues. Likewise, if you get into arguments with someone, and they throw every low blow at you they can muster up, this is likely someone who will try to ruin your life when your relationship is over.
Even more, often people don’t know how to let things go. If they planned on being with one person forever, some people might take their relationships for granted; lie, cheat, and steal, and still expect you to stay with them. On the flip-side, there are also people who can’t accept rejection and feel if you leave them, they have the right to ruin your life…because in their mind, you have purposely ruined theirs.
To take it a step further, many will attempt to shame you publicly, hoping you will come back to them and try to make amends; calling jobs, friends, posting your indiscretions on social media…these are all ways to try to win you back. Sound stupid?? It is!
How Can This Be Prevented?!
Get to know people! Find out about their exes, and how the relationships ended. If someone is dragging all of their exes’ names through the mud, it’s not because they’re a blameless victim and you’re better than the rest of them. Rather, it’s usually because this person lashes out when they feel rejected and can’t take responsibility for his or her own actions.
The Breakup Bottom-line
Typically, breakups bring out the worst in people because they also have the potential to bring out the best in them. Those you love can illicit hate because in feeling that deeply for someone, you will suffer a great deal when forced to feel bereft of said feeling.
Furthermore, often times people choose relationships that are beneficial to them in many ways, and may never love anyone at all. These people are happy and agreeable as long as they’re getting their way. The arguments, fights, etc…pay attention to them.
If someone is overreacting about small things, expect the overreactions to be magnified when it’s truly lover.
Though maturity level plays a huge factor, the bottom-line is that many people seem to relish in the chance to hurt someone, they once loved.
In an age in which the sanctity of marriage is quickly dwindling, the thin lines between love and hate seem to be all but completely blurred. That is to say, in a world promoting “friends with benefits” over official boyfriend/girlfriend relationships discerning whether you have found someone to love…or simply someone to like…for now has become increasingly difficult. Relax!
To assist in cutting out the guess work, here are the top 3 signs that your love is real!
3. You Found Love in A Hopeless Place―More than a reference to the queen of the pop charts, Rihanna, love is often found in the darkest of days…when it’s the last thing on your mind. This is not to say that it’s not love if these weren’t your circumstances. However, if a person goes out of his or her way to lift you up during times of trouble and loves you despite your dismal circumstances, you can safely assume that these actions may be motivated by love.
2. They Make You Better―This is more than a reference to the song by Rapper, Fabolous. Love should make you more of the person you aim to be, not less. If you are miserable and suppressing who you really are just to hold on to a relationship, you are only doing yourself a disservice. The truth doesn’t stay buried for long. Why pretend to be someone else for years, only to get left when the person finds out who you really are years later? Furthermore, if someone loves you he or she won’t spend their life trying to “fix” you. When this is the case, you are not wanted, only what they believe you have the potential to live up to…which may or may not ever fully come to fruition. Indeed, even if it does…do you really want to be with someone who feels you need years of work to be a suitable partner?
1. You Can Live Without Them―This is not a typo. When you are truly in love with someone you should also have your own life. There is also a thin line between love and hate, but also love and codependency. There is a reason this country’s divorce rate has been steady at 50% for so long. Many relationships are formed out of convenience, fear of being alone, etc., rather than two people taking the time to get to know one another and then decide they are right for each other. There are many people who have never been alone; never even considered it. How is this relevant? You learn the most about yourself when you are devoid of the influence of others. When you spend your entire life jumping from one relationship to the next, you may wake up one day and realize that you’re unhappy with everything. Indeed, how can you truly be satisfied with life…until you know who you are? Healthy relationships with longevity are typically found where each respective partner has their own set of hobbies and friends as well as shared and collective ones.
Overall, love is a complex concept as the definition seems to vary from person to person. Never let anyone else tell you what may or may not be right for you…but also don’t sell yourself short!
If it’s love, you should never have to ask, you should just… feel it!
There is a common life philosophy—one should live free of regrets because regret creates unhappiness, and past actions are beyond one’s control. While the former statements are true, there is another (perhaps better) reason that people should try not to rue their past acts. Whenever you make a decision, you are making what you believe to be the best one with the information you have at that point in time. The saying “hindsight is 20/20” means, that, with the knowledge, wisdom and emotional distance, you might conclude differently and by extension, act in another way than you previously did.
We constantly make decisions all the time, actually, most are unconscious. Even if the choice made was, in retrospect, a “bad” one (although that is a relative term), it was made because you genuinely thought it was for the best. It is our nature to take care of ourselves. Even when someone does something that is constituted as “self-sabotage” such as, passively-aggressively ruining a relationship or intentionally missing an opportunity, there is some reason he or she has done so.
People don’t hurt themselves for no reason. Many times an avoidance relates to fear of rejection or getting emotional entwined with something, or someone. This is a defense mechanism. Arguably, not a very good one in the longterm, but it keeps people within their comfort zones and protects them from their fears.
We can always learn from past mistakes, and apply that knowledge to the present and future. It’s important to be compassionate to yourself and give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and not chastise yourself for past errors. Most importantly, accepting mistakes or your past means that you can be compassionate towards yourself, and move on from more difficult times. The most unlikable and miserable people you’ll meet are this way because they don’t like themselves.
Or, as RuPaul so wisely said, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?”