Break-Up Bullies

Break-Up Bullies: Why You Never Know Who You’re with…Until You Split

 

Definitely, being an introverted and highly analytical human has its advantages. On the one hand, we’re often thought to be neurotic over-thinkers who create problems when there are none. On the other hand, we’re often the only ones who can foresee the possibility of situations that seem perfectly fine in the present, going drastically downhill in the future. Namely, relationships.

…And then what??

Yeah, it’s all fun and games until “Prince Charming” cheats on you, or you find out that your little “Cinderella” was only seeking that happily ever after cash. Now what?! If you’re like most people, you ignore the negative aspects of your mate until you are forced to confront them. Thus, eventually leaving you with the rude awakening that your dream guy/gal was anything but.

You’ve likely seen them…or maybe you’ve even been there yourself; a couple seems all but perfect, then they break up and all of a sudden one or both of them is out for blood. They are cutting up clothing, bashing cars and reputations…seems counterintuitive for two people who supposedly love each other, no?

How Did We Get Here?

Well, this is a loaded question…there are a number of ways in which someone could go from a great relationship to a terrible breakup, but the bottom line is that you don’t know your ex-partner as well as you thought you did…

As aforementioned, people often ignore these negative traits for the sake of holding together their relationship. For example, if you go on a date with someone and they’re ridiculously rude to the wait staff, for no apparent reason…this is likely someone who has some character issues. Likewise, if you get into arguments with someone, and they throw every low blow at you they can muster up, this is likely someone who will try to ruin your life when your relationship is over.

Even more, often people don’t know how to let things go. If they planned on being with one person forever, some people might take their relationships for granted; lie, cheat, and steal, and still expect you to stay with them. On the flip-side, there are also people who can’t accept rejection and feel if you leave them, they have the right to ruin your life…because in their mind, you have purposely ruined theirs.

To take it a step further, many will attempt to shame you publicly, hoping you will come back to them and try to make amends; calling jobs, friends, posting your indiscretions on social media…these are all ways to try to win you back. Sound stupid?? It is!

How Can This Be Prevented?!

Get to know people! Find out about their exes, and how the relationships ended. If someone is dragging all of their exes’ names through the mud, it’s not because they’re a blameless victim and you’re better than the rest of them. Rather, it’s usually because this person lashes out when they feel rejected and can’t take responsibility for his or her own actions.

The Breakup Bottom-line

Typically, breakups bring out the worst in people because they also have the potential to bring out the best in them. Those you love can illicit hate because in feeling that deeply for someone, you will suffer a great deal when forced to feel bereft of said feeling.

Furthermore, often times people choose relationships that are beneficial to them in many ways, and may never love anyone at all. These people are happy and agreeable as long as they’re getting their way. The arguments, fights, etc…pay attention to them.
If someone is overreacting about small things, expect the overreactions to be magnified when it’s truly lover.

Though maturity level plays a huge factor, the bottom-line is that many people seem to relish in the chance to hurt someone, they once loved.

 

Venus L

Is It Really Love

Is It Really Love? Top 3 Signs that You’ve Finally Found ‘The One’

In an age in which the sanctity of marriage is quickly dwindling, the thin lines between love and hate seem to be all but completely blurred. That is to say, in a world promoting “friends with benefits” over official boyfriend/girlfriend relationships discerning whether you have found someone to love…or simply someone to like…for now has become increasingly difficult. Relax!

To assist in cutting out the guess work, here are the top 3 signs that your love is real!

3. You Found Love in A Hopeless Place―More than a reference to the queen of the pop charts, Rihanna, love is often found in the darkest of days…when it’s the last thing on your mind. This is not to say that it’s not love if these weren’t your circumstances. However, if a person goes out of his or her way to lift you up during times of trouble and loves you despite your dismal circumstances, you can safely assume that these actions may be motivated by love.

2. They Make You Better―This is more than a reference to the song by Rapper, Fabolous. Love should make you more of the person you aim to be, not less. If you are miserable and suppressing who you really are just to hold on to a relationship, you are only doing yourself a disservice. The truth doesn’t stay buried for long. Why pretend to be someone else for years, only to get left when the person finds out who you really are years later? Furthermore, if someone loves you he or she won’t spend their life trying to “fix” you. When this is the case, you are not wanted, only what they believe you have the potential to live up to…which may or may not ever fully come to fruition. Indeed, even if it does…do you really want to be with someone who feels you need years of work to be a suitable partner?

1. You Can Live Without Them―This is not a typo. When you are truly in love with someone you should also have your own life. There is also a thin line between love and hate, but also love and codependency. There is a reason this country’s divorce rate has been steady at 50% for so long. Many relationships are formed out of convenience, fear of being alone, etc., rather than two people taking the time to get to know one another and then decide they are right for each other. There are many people who have never been alone; never even considered it. How is this relevant? You learn the most about yourself when you are devoid of the influence of others. When you spend your entire life jumping from one relationship to the next, you may wake up one day and realize that you’re unhappy with everything. Indeed, how can you truly be satisfied with life…until you know who you are? Healthy relationships with longevity are typically found where each respective partner has their own set of hobbies and friends as well as shared and collective ones.

Overall, love is a complex concept as the definition seems to vary from person to person. Never let anyone else tell you what may or may not be right for you…but also don’t sell yourself short!

If it’s love, you should never have to ask, you should just… feel it!

Top 5 Ways Watching Porn Ruins Your Sex Life

It’s no secret, pornographic videos are a billion dollar industry. Though I am by no means suggesting that viewing porn is deviant or immoral behavior, I believe it’s fine time that people begin to examine the side effects of regularly watching pornography. Please consider:

The Top 5 Ways Watching Porn Ruins Your Sex Life…

5. Unrealistic Expectations– OK, clearly porn is a part of the film industry…which means it’s all staged. This is an obvious element of these films. Nevertheless, the lack of even a proper introduction and not so much as a dinner date and couples dive straight into (pun unintended) hardcore sex? Slightly unrealistic to say the very least. On the flip side,this does seem to be something that is becoming more and more common place in this day and age; random hook-ups and flings? Could there be some correlation?

4. Improper Technique– The purpose of porn is to entertain and I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that most of these videos are made by and for the male species. That being said, almost nothing about watching porn will show a man how to truly please a woman’s body. They may show you how to make her curse, scream, holler, and claw…but I believe you’ll that such actions do not always equate to pleasure in the real world. If you’re watching porn for bedroom tips, you’re doing it wrong…

3. No Intimacy– The main feature of porn is said to be the ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ approach to sex. That is to say there is very little talking, holding, kissing, or anything that may slightly resemble true love and affection in these videos. This is all well and good, but this is also one of the top complaints when it comes to women being dissatisfied in the bedroom. If you have heard or even made this complaint before perhaps you should take a moment to find out why someone would be so comfortable having full on sex with a person…yet not comfortable looking them in the eyes or holding their hand. Counter-intuitive to say the very least…

2. Instant Gratification– As aforementioned, the premise of most porn videos is to introduce 2 people and get them having sex as quick as possible. To take it a step further, many turn to pornography when they are experiencing sexual frustration. This is not necessarily the worst thing in the world, however, sometimes the reason we are experiencing said frustration is because we need to work on our relationships or ourselves. The usage of porn in these instances usually hurt instead of help the situation.

1. There’s No ‘Unsee’ Button– The things we see stick with us. From what I gather, there are hundreds or even thousands of different genres of pornography. Some are more on the ‘normal’ side while others are far to the left. Either way, mistakenly coming across a disgusting video is something that may stay imprinted in your brain, and thus affect your libido, for the remainder of your life. Indeed, even clicking on various posts on social networks such as Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram can introduce you to a whole new world that you neither knew, nor wanted to know, existed.

The Bottom Line…

Pornography will likely always be a controversial issue. Whether you choose to view it regularly or not, do keep in mind that these scenes are not real and the only way to have a happy sex life is to communicate with your partner.

Venus L

Man's Best Friend

Top 5 Reasons Everyone Needs a ‘Bestie’

It’s no secret, the world is one confusing place. The cultural norms as well as what is considered socially acceptable is shifting by the day. Gone are the days in which genuine social interactions are promoted, and instead this has been replaced with the superficial semblance of communing and sentimentality that is the world-wide web. Now that humans are officially capable of meeting and communicating with billions of people across the globe, people are encouraged not to dwell on those who do not fit into their own ideals of goodness. Thusly, loyalty and the longevity of friendships seems to be a thing of the past. Though it is true that people need to be able to stand on their own 2 feet, it is almost equally important that we as humans are connecting with the rest of humanity. That being said, here are the top 5 reasons why everyone needs a ‘bestie’…

5. Motivation– Obviously, it is our own, personal job to keep ourselves motivated. On the flip side, that is not always so realistic. We all go through things that interferes with our creativity. A good friend will always be there in order to help remind you of why you and your goals in life are worthy and important. This is an invaluable service as even the filthy rich have off days.

4. Fun Times– Though this seems to go without saying, having fun and letting loose is a vital practice for every happy, well-adjusted adult. No matter how hard you work, or how busy you are, you should always make time for a little R&R. Good friends have a way about them that makes even the most daunting tasks seem more delightful and doable. Sometimes the only thing you need to get the bottom of a ‘to-do list’, is the company of a good friend.

3. Venting– This one is huge as it is equally important to be able to vent personal frustrations, as it is to find a friend trustworthy enough to vent your most personal woes to. The art of venting can be highly therapeutic as it allows for you to get hurtful events and situations off of your mind and heart long enough to find relief and viable solutions. On the other hand, this could also be a recipe for disaster if you’re trusting the wrong person. Therefore, do be certain the person you turn to in such times, is the type of person that is deserving of this level of trust.

2. Growth– Growing is a part of life. We grow in many ways throughout our lifetimes, both seen and unseen. That being said, often times, it is the people whom we spend the most time with who help incite the thoughts or events that ultimately cause us to learn and grow. Sometimes it’s in the name of ‘friendly competition’, other times, it’s simply a natural unfolding of events. Either way, it is obviously a plus if you have someone in your life who recognizes your need for growth and gently pushes you to realize your potential.

1. Understanding– The top reason that everyone needs a best friend is to have someone who truly understands them. Unbeknownst to many, being understood and having a sense of belonging is the very crux of human existence, for most. Indeed, when one is going through situations and circumstances that seem to be all but unbelievable, there are few words more powerful than ‘I understand’.

Overall…

It is undoubtedly true that humans can get through life without the companionship of another living soul. Many ingenious minds spent the majority of their lives helping to further humanity, in all but isolated conditions. On the other hand, it also has to be said that the most happy and healthy adults have formed strong, lifelong bonds with the people in their lives. This is a much more difficult task for some of us than others. Nevertheless, think outside of the box. If humans don’t seem to get you, try the animal kingdom. Most beings are capable of bonding and empathy. Indeed, there’s a reason that creatures such as dogs have long since been labeled as ‘man’s best friend’.

Venus L

 

Single and Loving It: On Why Marriage in on the Decline

Until recent years, marriage was considered the be-all-and-end-all of relationships. Thus, how long you dated someone or how much you adored one another came second to whether or not you had taken the steps to secure your lifelong commitment. Indeed, at one point children out of wedlock were deeply frowned upon within the community. Now, it more or less depends on whether or not a couple is capable of being financially responsible to said offspring.

Times Change…

So…what happened? Well, in short, it seems people are more afraid of getting it wrong, than they are eager to try and make it right. Much of today’s youth come from broken homes. Many who had to endure the bickering and fighting of two parental units later realize they were never good together. Moreover, even the ones who ended up staying together typically went through many years of disagreement and unhappiness. Ultimately, such environments left a terrible impression on the youth of yesterday…who are the parents of today.

Too Smart For Our Own Good?

Like generations before us, we are all left trying to make sense of the mistakes our parents made and also trying desperately not to repeat them. Given the fact that many people were forced into marriage for fear of societal judgment, much of today’s youth find the idea of marriage to be painful and unnecessary. However, what we call critical thinking is merely a reaction to the unfavorable relation circumstances that most of us have witnessed others go through. Thus, love is considered to be a liability simply because of the potential for heartbreak, which fewer people seem to be willing to risk.

Solutions?

Renouncing marriage altogether based on the experiences of others is as nonsensical as marrying someone you don’t love simply because you are “ready” and/or have children together. The only solution is to search for love and not stop until you find it! So many of us are guilty of getting into relationships for convenience purposes…which is ultimately why things don’t work out. In our modern day times, we value instant gratification much more than lasting satisfaction which is why most of us aren’t willing to wait for the “right one.”

Only when we all stop being motivated by the fear of loneliness and embrace the beauty of true love, will we ever see an end to this massive devaluing of monogamous relationships.

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Venus L

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