How To Spot a Frenemy

How To Spot a Frenemy


What are frenemies? Simply put, frenemies are people who use the guise of friendship to get close to someone when their motives are anything but friendly. Many overlook the signs of a freneship because they don’t altogether understand why someone would behave as a friend if he or she weren’t truly interested in friendship. This is a common mistake made by genuine individuals, often to their own detriment. So, I decided to put together a few synopses of the various frenemy types in order to assist the naïve souls in identifying these relationships.

The One-Upper

We all know a few, the person who always has a story/ experience to top yours. If you say “I’m going back to school,” she just got her doctorate. You beat cancer…he beat AIDS… Yeah, these are the types that can never truly be a friend to anyone because deep down they’re only competing with their own low self-worth. People who are truly happy with themselves do not use the accomplishments of others as a unit of measurement to gauge the importance of their own personal feats. If you have a “friend” like this, never expect him or her to be happy for you about anything, they will be too busy trying to beat you to the punch.

The Fair Weatherers

So, we all have those “friends” who only come around when it’s convenient for them. You know the ones whom you may help through some of the toughest times in their lives, but they never even seem to remember your birthday? They seem fairly disinterested in your life and well-being but expect you to be gung-ho about every mundane detail of theirs. They’re befriending you because you give them the attention they crave and nothing else. In fact, these people typically believe their lives to be superior to yours, which is why they never bother to learn about you; their presence is the only gift they will ever give you and they truly believe that this is gift enough.

The Jokers

One of the top ways to spot a frenemy is to closely listen to their jokes. If you have a “friend” who thinks constantly cracking jokes at your expense in front of others is funny, he or she is probably not your friend. Of course, friends laugh and joke with each other all the time…but there’s a huge difference between “Haha you split your pants!” and “Haha you’re never going to amount to anything.” Of course, the latter was an extreme example, but you get the idea. If someone regularly makes mean jokes at your expense and A frenemy seems to relish in your misery, and enjoy seeing you suffer. Do you laugh when people you actually care about are in pain? Do you really think this person is your friend…?

Overall, the frenemy relationship is a proverbial Trojan horse that should be kept out of your house at all costs. The driving forces behind all friendships are motives; motives to have fun, love, be happy, etc. Frenemy relationship motives destroy. Nobody goes through the trouble to pretend-befriend someone if he or she does not plan to orchestrate some sort of sabotage. If nothing more than for a frenemy’s sick, twisted amusement. Heed these words today and rid your life of frenemies because by the time they decide to reveal their true intentions it is always far too late.

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