Part 3: Resting
I have entered a state of peaceful rest. Before I began, I continuously worked for 23 years; I was only 31 years old. Resting did not come naturally for me. I contracted pneumonia or flu every three years or so which put me down for a week; that was rest. I rarely vacationed or spent quiet time alone. My life was busy, bustling, and filled with action. Sleep came typically after being so exhausted I could not keep my eyes open. Sitting quietly was uncomfortable and foreign, at times frightening.
Due to the hardship of the experiences I was enduring, rest was all I could do. I had no more to give. In those times, I worked in the bar and restaurant industry and had just begun to work with artists establishing a new business concept. When I decided really to rest, that was the first thing to go. I had no compromise, no patience, and no interests remaining. My business was on hold. All other endeavors on which I had been working toward all came to a screeching halt. Finally, I released my job and eventually, sat under a tree. Sitting under the tree was the only thing I really enjoyed.
I sat, read, and logged a journal. I had not been quiet enough in years to sit down and write. Attempts were made, but nothing ever flowed, as a result, I had altogether given it up. I figured, “When I have something to write, it will come forth. I won’t force it.”
Through resting, I realized my entire identity and worth came from my work. I didn’t know who I was without it. However, I knew I could not return as I was to the life I walked away from. Striving, as it were, had warred against who I was created to be, “Surely, I was created for more than tending bar and waiting tables, but what?” I began to seek God for answers.
While I sought Him I asked questions like, “How am I going to make money?,” “What am I supposed to be doing?,” “What’s the next step?” His answers were frequently concise, “Rest. Seek Me. Rest. Rest. No more striving. Surrender.”
Learning to rest has been challenging. Surrendering my goals, ambitions, and personal agenda has brought new life. I have learned from a place of rest and humble surrender, the answers to all my questions come, and my needs are met. There isn’t any need to run around, “trying.”
All I have to do is trust and rest.
Kwjuana L. Thomas